Heartbreak

I never got a chance to miss you…

I never had a chance to long

I never had a chance for sweet heartbreak

For you were what I knew not

So I never got a chance to miss you

Never needed to mourn

I just had run and hide

From love to numb so to survive

And now I am alone

But far from lonely

For I am returned to myself again.

It's Not Fair!

It seems to be a theme lately. My 31/2 year old is very much practicing this concept...and I think I am too.

Mediation brings out the worst in this process. What's really fair when a family splits? Really none of it is. And who's best interest are we looking after anyway?

As I type this, my two tots are battling over a sippy cup that was found on the floor 1/4 full of warm, old water, funky water. It seems at times that I am battling like that as well. Often, I feel like throwing my hands up and saying, "Fine. Take the stinky old sippy cup and let me be...with our kids". Then I realize that standing up for myself is another part of taking care of the kids.

But then I think, it's only funky sippy cup stuff. The nectar of the Gods are a part of me - my beautiful babes.

Single Mom.

period. on my forehead.

that's it. am i the only single mom out there confused, strong, embarrassed, strong, holding back tears, strong, is this my life?, strong, how did i get on the wrong bus?, strong.

i guess i am starting this to put it all down. get it out. and hopefully heal and share.

is anybody out there. any other moms who 'had it all', but new that the biggest lie was the marriage?

i do 'have it all' now. lovely babes, that are gifts from god, that i must raise as i find myself again.