What is normal!?

When going through a divorce with children in tow, I am finding myself asking more times than not, "Is this normal?". The children's behavior, I mean.

Frankly, the little one seems pretty steady Eddy in the emotions range (besides the normal toddler things). It's the big girl. My already sensitive and high energy child. The child who, tonight, looks out the car window and says, "Who is in heaven right now?". The child when going to bed, puts on such a fight with me, and ends up crying at least two times during the process (and I mean head thrown back in Snoopy Wail form). I am tired, exhausted and, quite frankly anxious myself.

Is this normal behavior for my child? I suddenly find myself daydreaming about all of the other families out there who are quietly tucking their babes in bed as they smile that comforted smile at one another - that last look of, "This is HOME and I am LOVED".

Now, I've had those nights I'm sure, but for the most part it just seems like nighttime is a battle zone and we all end the day in so out of sorts.

Now, the higher self in me knows that yes, we may have some tweaking to do on the bedtime front, but all in all my little babes are screaming with the rest of the families out there. Normal kid stuff.

But, there is that little voice inside, whispering ever so respectfully,

"Are you sure they are really okay? They don't look okay to me."

Angels falling from the skies...

...like shooting stars. Like the quiet morning after a snowstorm, where you hear the pods of snow falling off the tree limbs all around you. Poof! There's one... Poof poof! A couple more. They all shower down in waves and I am in the middle of a big one.

Poof! I am letting go and little twinkly surprises are everywhere. Poof! Angels are showing up on my doorstep baring friends for my children, food and wisdom. Poof! Seasoned souls enter who have wise and rich stories to tell of their colorful and imperfect lives. Poof Poof! I receive notice of a gift...a bound edition of comfort to meander through when I need it most. Never won a thing in my life and Poof! I did today.

What is most profound, however, are the inspirational and tragic stories that I have been encountering lately. What is amazing is that in them, I really don't hold on to the tragedy and sadness caught in the trappings of the hardship. I am drawn to the spirit that is deep within. That is what I see in all of these people. Their souls are clear as can be and the beauty of it all just glows. Poof!

I am letting go now of my wallowing. It felt good to marinate in it for a while. But, I am starting to feel pickled, and that just doesn't serve me in the long haul. It takes discipline to not take a seat in the wallowing chair, but in the end I get to see the glow as I practice being still.

I guess it really is true. Hold steady. Let go. Stop the wallowing and just left it unfold. Notice notice notice the truest miracles that are right in front of you.